Meet my Parents
My hands couldn’t hold still and my eyes looked anywhere else In the room but at the individuals in front of me. My heart must have reached the space because I could no longer hear it’s rhythmic beats. He was talking and gesturing towards them, his lips were moving too but what was he saying. Was it a smile that he gave, my brain went dead and I couldn’t make out what he was doing.
Most importantly who was he? This tall handsome man waving his hands over my beautiful face like a mad man. A friend? No! Of course not he has this strange look in his eyes. The one in the movies. He is definitely not a friend. Is he my brother? Hell no!! he looked nothing like me and considering that I could remember what my face looked like ,I would say not even a distant cousin.
This was becoming too exasperating, who the heck was this guy ? And what was I doing in front of this monster and woman. Slowly my ears came alive again
‘Mer ! Hun! Are you OK? He asked wearing a worried look on his face. Of course I was fine I breathed out ,but honestly my ears didn’t catch a thing I said. It sounded more like ‘ooom hourse umm hain’.God please tell me I’m not German ,I almost failed that class in school.
Suddenly there was a movement, the lady had gone and she came back with a bowl which contained a liquid. With a split second the liquid was on my face.
Oh ! My !Fuck!!!!!!!! It’s cold I yelled.
Suddenly my brain came back to life and realization hit me, h-he is my fiance .They are his parents and I just cursed for the first time(mom forgive me)’.shit! This was the worst meeting in the history of the universe.
‘Are you okay? dear’ You looked like you had seen a ghost’ The old woman enquired very concerned. I simply nodded . The monster made no attempt to talk he simply looked at me wearing a disguise called shock.
‘I’m fine ma, I’m so sorry I don’t know what happened’ I blurted out. But that was a big lie ,well second big lie. I was definitely not fine, My body was drenched ,my clothes dripping. My make up completely ruined ,I must have looked like a zombie or burnt plantain porridge.
Worst of all my fiance was there and I completely embarrassed myself in front of his parents. This was supposed to be an introduction for God’s sake. And who taught this woman such a horrible method of resuscitation!! Couldn’t she have slapped me to revive me. Why ruin my face and cloth oh ! Cruel world.
The second big lie was that I knew exactly what had happened I had seen the devil come back to live, someone my dear fiance knows as his father. With that I sprang up to my feet.
I couldn’t deny that this house was amazing, the interior decoration was , how would my friend Gina put it ( On fleek! ) that girl needs to update her vocabulary. Mrs my fiance’s mother had an amazing taste. But comfort was definitely not my friend in there as long as he was there.
I rendered a quick apology ,mumbled something about rescuing my friend, gestured to my fiance to take me home and ran out of the living room as fast as my legs could carry. My fiance wore a puzzled look on his face while he led me out.
Yes it’s official, I’m the worst fiancé in the history of the world
My brain whispered his name in my ears (James ).Thank God my body parts are coming back to life.
KJ I’m really sorry about what happened, I’m so sorry’. He just smiled
But I knew better ‘ that smile meant, this is not the right place, we’ll talk about this when we get to your place babe’
We walked silently to his car and left.
I am totally dead! Anwuola m. I’m also igbo thank you my brain……